Couples Therapy In couples therapy I will firstly be building up a picture of the nature of your problems which will incorporate:
1) Looking at contributing factors, such as your personalities, personal and relationship histories. What are the 'weak spots' which need addressing to understand the origin of the problems, and also to minimise reoccurrence. 2) Examining what triggered the problems- perhaps this was a specific event, or a series of events, a change in circumstances or perhaps this was a more gradual erosion of the relationship. 3) How the problem is maintained. Invariably this is connected to problems with communication. Part of my role will be to help you find effective methods of communicating which will unlock your current situation, and minimise the chance of a reoccurrence of your problems.
I have seen many relationships which at first glance appeared beyond hope totally transformed and repaired, and on some occasions, the relationships have actually been better than before. The key factor which determines the outcome is the willingness of both people in the relationship to give it a go, and put the energy into salvaging their relationship. Sometimes people decide that they cannot go on with that relationship. In that case, I can help you to end your relationship in a 'clean' fashion involving as little pain as is possible under the circumstances- this can be very important if you will need to maintain contact, for instance in cases where the couple have children.
In order for your relationship to work, and for the therapy to be effective, I will need your commitment to the process, your willingness to work through the problems, your willingness to communicate, have difficult conversations, be honest and also hear things that you might not be comfortable with, be willing to examine your way of thinking, how you feel about things and how you behave and also willingness to put the energy in outside sessions to continue the work, and to keep to any agreements we make. If you are willing to do this, then there is a good chance that your relationship be helped.
Like any other type of therapy, couples therapy can be very painful, there are no magic wands or miracle cures and change takes time and requires hard work. That said, my experience has been that the couples I have worked with have tended to see changes in their relationship from the outset. Normally I would recommend at first you have between six to twelve sessions. Problems do not start overnight, nor are they resolved overnight, and frequently in couples therapy, there is a lot of pain which needs resolving and that can take several weeks to ease.
In couples therapy, the therapist is not there to act as some kind of judge and is not there to determine who is right and who is wrong. In any situation, both parties have had a part to play, and a willingness to explore how you have both contributed to the situation will be essential, and often will be part of the early focus of the work.
Ideally, couples should come for therapy at the earliest possible opportunity. Sometimes I have worked with couples who would have had a far more positive outcome had their situation not deteriorated so greatly. Asking for help is a big thing to do, and takes a lot of courage. It is important that if you do come to see me, that you are both honest, and speak your mind- I really have heard pretty much everything and it is not my job to judge you, so there is no point in feeling embarrassed or telling each other off after sessions for what was said in front of me. If this is to be effective, you are going to need honesty and you are going to need to hear what each other say without fear of attack, and regardless of how difficult that might be.
I offer a free half hour mutual assessment session, where you can come and talk to me initially to explore whether we can work together. If we decide to go ahead with it, sessions will be 90 minutes long, and at first in order to ensure we gain momentum, these will be weekly. If you would like to book a session, or discuss this further, please call me on 0141 771 9399